you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
