You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
