You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
