1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
