I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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