Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
