In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
