I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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