He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
