Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
