I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
