I'm really into asian looking animals
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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