Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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