The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
we're making bets on your personal life
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize