like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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