Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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