Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
