Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
