Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
