I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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