I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize