Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
