No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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