She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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