you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
