She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
