she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
