Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
