the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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