that's an acceptable place to lick
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
