he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So vagazzling was a success
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
