i barfeds in our rink
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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