Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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