i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
