I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
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