It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
