Farmville is her only friend.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
