I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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