Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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