Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
