I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
