WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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