The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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