Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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