Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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