shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
