I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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