if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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