Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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