you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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