i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
God, I missed his penis.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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