She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
