Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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