I think i peed on brittanys purse
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
