Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize