just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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