the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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