I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
