Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
is that a dick in a sweater?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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