you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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