Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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