First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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