legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
