Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
