..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
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