i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
