Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
