Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
