This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
