no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize