there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
only if we run a train.
done.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
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