you mean i was at the winter classic?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
