I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
