i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
