i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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