I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
