does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize