i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
