I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
