does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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