I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
