Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
and you said cock pushups were impossible
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize