My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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