$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
