I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
third nipple confirmed
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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