My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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