im six kinds of drunk right now
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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