He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
