dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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