Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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