my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
