Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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