Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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