remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
