You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
