Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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