Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
