If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He? As in you personified your dick?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
