you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
