You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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