Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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