I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
