guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Randomize
