just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
