Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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