So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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