I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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